The naming of chemical brands is a curious thing. Take for instance Round – Up the weed killer. Sounds like a cowboy rustling little pony’s, not weeds. Must be harmless I suppose to the environment. Then there is Imprelis. Supposed to be kind also. Not sure how to pronounce Imprelis. Sounds like EM Pray Less. Dupont the manufacturer  might now  be doing a little praying. If you have not heard.

 I’ve read there might me a problem with the application and unsuspecting “turf grass professionals” are taking a hit sine Imprelis may be the cause of Norway pines dieing at an alarming rate. Live better with chemicals, that’s Dupont’s brand message isn’t it? Or was that something Owlsly said in the sixties?  

If it looks like a weed kill it. If you think it’s ok then leave it in the ground. For the record, I don’t apply chemicals to my yard and have creeping charly and wild violets all around. It’s all green. The less mowing I have to do the better.

If I could come up with a chemical name for the stuff that comes out of the tailpipes of automobiles I would call it, Imperilus. Sound like EM PEAR EL US. It’s not just vapor. Maybe the brand Imperilus could be tagged for all things automobile. Imperilus the SUV. This is what the driver of a Mini Cooper is thinking with cars parked on both sides of a narrow road and Imperilus the SUV is thundering towards them. Imperilus has a Roman sounding ring to it. Mercedes could come out with the fastest car on the planet to rival Ferrari. Then sell it in America so guys can rev it up. Oh, it doesn’t matter that in the US, the fastest legal speed is 70mph. Just the opportunnity to say you have one. People will be standing in line to get the new Imperilus. It’s the brand for early adopters of all things fast, disposible and dangerous. Sign me up.

 I know some of you won’t believe this but just the other day in dowtown St Paul this really happened. As I was biking at 6 mph a fast and loud Corvette raced ahead of me. Accelerating, the Corvette was fairly loud. The car sat on the red now and idling was at a murmur as I pulled up I saw the passenger window was down. I yelled over to the driver of the Corvette,”hey buddy wind it out once just for kicks” I was safely out of the way and on the sidewalk when the light turned green. Ok, OK, this dude did exactly as I instructed. Human behavior ceases to amaze me. The Corvette thundered. I mean. Drag Strip loud! What an idiot! People like this are in a categroy to themselves. Drum roll.  Imperilus Idiots.


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